apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
