Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
