After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
