i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize