I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
