I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
