Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
