Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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