he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
