Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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