My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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