My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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