When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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