Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
