i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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