I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
And then he peed in my hair
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