Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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