college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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