I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
