And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
