I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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