I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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