he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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