I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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