I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
