Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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