My nipple is on Facebook.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
