Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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