big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
