"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
