Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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