She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
