HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
