Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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