I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
