No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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