its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
