just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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