MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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