you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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