you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
