the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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