I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
