He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
