From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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