The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
