I need help removing her.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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