YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
