Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
