This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
