Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress