I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
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i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.