Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?