Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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