Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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