dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
