So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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