I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He had one of those small greek statue penises
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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