he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
