Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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