Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
