eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
