I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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