u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
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I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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