i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
