is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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