i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
