I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
