12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
