She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
