This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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