Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
