Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
