two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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