He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
