Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
