The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
