i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
