Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
