The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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