haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
