Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My balls are so social today.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
